How Women Grow

Women are really quite simple. They need:

  1. Soil- A firm foundation of strength and leadership to establish their roots
  2. Sun – The warmth of love
  3. Water/fertilizer – Filled and sprinkled with the seed of their man.

In other words, women need strength, leadership, love, and semen. Give a woman those things and she will blossom.

Advertisements

Loving Him More

I recently read the book “Biting the Apple” by Judith Sills. Truly a phenomenal book that I highly recommend. The theme is about loving your man more and needing him less. That is–needing him less in a non-clingy way and needing him less to be a certain way that we envisioned or as the author puts it, “Needing him to be less of a romantic ideal, in order to feel loving. Needing him to do less, in order to feel loved.”

Generally, women NEED their men to be monogamous to feel loving. That is the cultural romantic ideal they are in love with. Why do we need monogamy so much? The mind can think of a million surface answers, but when I truly thought on it, I could not come up with a solid reason that doesn’t stem from “that’s just how its suppose to be” or “if he loved me he would be monogamous”. We can still feel loved and be loved without his monogamy. Its truly a mindset.

The theme of “loving more” works in nicely with this blog. Here are a few more quotes:

“Loving him more is about the struggle of loving a man as he is”

“Loving him more means you help him to change in the direction that he wants to go, not the one that you need him to go in.”

“The willingness to love what is, instead of staying attached to what should be, is the heart of loving more.”

The lesson here is if we are truly to love a man “as is” that means embracing all of him, including his primal desires and especially in the arena of non-monogamy it certainly is a struggle. Women NEED their men to go in the direction of monogamy, but for some men this is not the direction he wants to go. We could shame and manipulate him into going our direction or we could just love him “as is”. Love him for what “he is” rather than what he should be. He isn’t the romanticized monogamous male society tells us he “should be”, but we can find ways to love what “he is” instead. Rather than tying myself in knots, over-analyzing and being consumed with anxiety of how my Lion should be, I try to focus on what he is, which is summed up nicely by the traits from this list:

**Control over their own life; self-control, self-discipline and personal success serving as an example for a submissive to respect and live by

** Honesty and integrity in all aspects of life leading to unshakable trust

** Despite dominant tendencies, consistently displays kindness, caring and compassion for others who have nothing to offer them

** Understands themselves and their own needs and desires and has a clear vision of how to achieve them

** Strong sense of intuition and empathy with what a submissive is thinking and feeling

** Emotional, physical and intellectual strength while remaining open, accessible and respectful

** Creates an atmosphere of absolute safety and security

** Sufficient life experience, knowledge and wisdom to be a mentor and teacher

** Consistent exertion of will over, and for the benefit and well being of, a submissive and the relationship

** Demand for nothing less than the best effort in all a submissive does

** Communicates and maintains well defined boundaries regarding accepted behavior

** Has the courage to be honest even when the reaction will be negative

** Enjoys leadership and thrives on being the one in control

** Makes their submissive feel valued, treasured, needed and absolutely accepted

** Provides and promotes disciplined behavior and thinking

** Readily communicates precisely what needs doing in order to be the best for them and satisfy all of their needs, sexually and otherwise

Despite the socially negative traits my man is, he is also all of the above–and that is why I LOVE HIM MORE.

Truth Over Lies

From this article on wives of the Upper East side, the following stuck out:

“Ativan, Valium, and Xanax were all used as sleep aids, she says, to be taken every night.
She added : ‘The women I knew took them in the middle of the night, when they woke up with their hearts pounding, panicking about schools or money or whether their husbands were faithful.”

Think how much anxiety could come off if these women just knew or assumed he was unfaithful and embraced it. The life of loving a lion is often paradoxical and seems so topsy-turvy in the beginning few give it a second thought. Its a lifestyle that to outsiders should be saddled with anxiety, but look at the alternative. Play happy, happy monogamous marriage but take nightly sleeping pills so you don’t worry if he is cheating. Sign me up! I am sure the wine drinking at 11am also has something to do with their cheating worries. There is a huge deal of anxiety to deal with upon first taking on a lion, but when you read articles like this it all seem so much better in comparison. The anxiety that comes with knowing the truth is like making a lump sum payment. It sure sucks at the time but at least its done with and you don’t have to keep making monthly payments, monthly or nightly worries about whether he is being faithful. Its a done deal. He is going to have sex with other women.  Truth hurts and lies hurt, but the truth served up straight in the beginning is better than a life filled with relentless worries over daily lies.

He is Not a Tame Lion, but he is Good

There is a line from the Chronicles of Narnia that succinctly captures the spirit of embracing authentic masculinity —

“After all, he is not a tame lion, but he is good.”

Point being that authentic masculinity and male sex drive will never be tame, but the authenticity of it is what makes it good. Whether his character is good is entirely up to him, but I have yet to meet a Lion who is not embracing his true self and also is not exhibiting strong, gentle, noble, and caring characteristics. In the case of my Lion, his ability to listen, be attentive, help me grow, be my biggest fan, 110% supportive, all these things makes him entirely good in my eyes, despite the fact that he is not a tame Lion.

Loving the Lion

Many women try to tame masculinity and male sexuality, but this is not natural. They want to put it in a cage and domesticate it. Train him so that he can only touch YOU, only look at YOU and only have sex with YOU, which ultimately amounts to a relationship where the woman is always subtly and covertly in charge. Its called femdoming and his authentic masculinity is suffocated.  At best there is a guise that the man is in charge. On paper he follows the proper patriarchal roles of head of household, leader, provider, but is he really free? Traditional and especially Christian based relationships love to harp on how they support traditional roles, men being leaders, but supporting his leadership is conditional based upon what he provides women in return–specifically, the promise of faithfulness and monogamy.

The default position for women is to cage the Lion, because truly the Lion can be quite scary and rather than deal with fear and facing up to what authentic masculinity entails, women hide in denial. Women have been conditioned to consider nothing else except traditional monogamous relationships. They subconsciously learn young how to train and tame a man while giving the appearance that he is in control. Breaking free from this mindset is a huge undertaking, but ultimately one that sets a woman free as much as it does the man. The journey will be wrought with doubts, insecurities, jealousy, anger, and ALWAYS the overwhelming need to be in control or regain control. Yet the control is not ours to have. We are not the Lion, but the lioness*.

The purpose of this site is to explore what it means to love the Lion wholeheartedly, not just the good parts, but the scary parts. Ideas and theories will be put forth on non-monogamy and in general male and female, Dominant and submissive relationships.

*When writing Lion and lioness it will always with a big “L” and a little “l” to designate position, just as Dominance and submission is captured as big “D” and  little “s”